Dec 1, 2006

FW: The joys of an English teacher

Subject: The joys of an English teacher

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
across
the country. Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled
with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry
them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the
East
River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Nov 29, 2006

FW: IMPORTANT

IMPORTANT 
 
Our granddaughter in California was turned down for a teaching job,because she only had one year of Spanish. She got a job at a private school. She now teaches in Rancho Cucamonga, second grade. 
 
Had an interesting conversation with a lady of Hispanic origin last week. She told me that she planned to come down to St. Mary's and get a job in Admissions (where I work). When I pointed out that we didn't' t have any openings, she advised me that "soon" current employees will have to be fired to hire bi-lingual employees. According to this lady, the Spanish-speaking people of the US are going to demand that all public facilities like hospitals, courthouses, etc. - be staffed by people who read, speak and comprehend Spanish. 
 
We hear about the silent majority, but I think we are going to have to speak up or find ourselves a conquered country. Tha t would be an interesting historical note - greatest land in the world conquered by Mexico without ever firing a shot! Think about it. Petition to require citizenship to be eligible for social services in the United States. No amnesty and no free 
services for illegal immigrants. 
 
I the undersigned below, agree that we need to keep English as our primary language and those who live in our country need to learn ENGLISH, not make the US citizens conform to Spanish. 
  
If you don't forward the petition and just stop it, we will lose all these names. If you do not want to sign it, please forward it to others to consider. 

Thank you!!! 
 
To add your name, click on "forward". You will be able to add your name at the bottom of the list and then forward it to your friends. Or copy and paste to a new email and then sign. 
 
THE 300th PERSON SEND IT ON TO THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL ADDRESS: 
 
HYPERLINK "mailto: President@WhiteHouse.gov"President@WhiteHouse.gov
ONE NATION UNDER GOD!! 
 
 PETITION FOR PRES. BUSH, Gov. Schwarzenegger and Congressman Dana Rohrbacher 
 
1. Mary Takami, Calif. 
2. Connie Dodd. Calif. 
3. Frank Beirau, Calif. 
4. Barbara Murray, Calif. 
5. Dody Farha, Okla. 
6. Woody Farho, Okla 
7. Walt...
259...
260...
If you don't forward the petition and just stop it, we will lose all these names. If you do not want to sign it, please forward it to others to consider. 

Thank you!!! 

To add your name, click on "forward". You will be able to add your name at the bottom of the list and then forward it to your friends. Or copy and paste to a new email and then sign.

THE 300th PERSON SEND IT ON TO THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL ADDRESS: 

President@WhiteHouse.gov"President@WhiteHouse.gov 

Nov 28, 2006

FW: Print this Chart

 SHARE THIS CHART
 

Apples

Protects your heart

Prevents constipation

Blocks diarrhea

Improves lung capacity

Cushions joints

Apricots

Combats cancer

Controls blood pressure

Saves your eyesight

Shields against Alzheimer's

Slows aging process

Artichokes

Aids digestion

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Guards against liver disease

Avocados

Battles diabetes

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Bananas

Protects your heart

Quiets a cough

Strengthens bones

Controls blood pressure

Blocks diarrhea

Beans

Prevents constipation

Helps hemorrhoids

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Stabilizes blood sugar

Beets

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Protects your heart

Aids weight loss

Blueberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Boosts memory

Prevents constipation

Broccoli

Strengthens bones

Saves eyesight

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Cabbage

Combats cancer

Prevents constipation

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Helps hemorrhoids

Cantaloupe

Saves eyesight

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Supports immune system

Carrots

Saves eyesight

Protects your heart

Prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Promotes weight loss

Cauliflower

Protects against Prostate Cancer

Combats Breast Cancer

Strengthens bones

Banishes bruises

Guards against heart disease

Cherries

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Ends insomnia

Slows aging process

Shields against Alzheimer's

Chestnuts

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

Chili Peppers

Aids digestion

Soothes sore throat

Clears sinuses

Combats Cancer

Boosts immune system

Figs

Promotes weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

Fish

Protects your heart

Boosts memory

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Supports immune system

Flax

Aids digestion

Battles diabetes

Protects your heart

Improves mental health

Boosts immune system

Garlic

Lowers cholesterol

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

kills bacteria

Fights fungus

Grapefruit

Protects against heart attacks

Promotes Weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Grapes

Saves eyesight

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Enhances blood flow

Protects your heart

Green Tea

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Helps stops strokes

Promotes Weight loss

Kills bacteria

Honey

Heals wounds

Aids digestion

Guards against ulcers

Increases energy

Fights allergies

Lemons

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

Limes

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

Mangoes

Combats cancer

Boosts memory

Regulates thyroid

Aids digestion

Shields against Alzheimer's

Mushrooms

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Kills bacteria

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Oats

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

Prevents constipation

Smoothes skin

Olive Oil

Protects your heart

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

Smoothes skin

Onions

Reduce risk of heart attack

Combats cancer

Kills bacteria

Lowers cholesterol

Fights fungus

Oranges

Supports immune systems

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Straightens respiration



Peaches

Prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

aids digestion

Helps hemorrhoids

Peanuts

Protects against heart disease

Promotes Weight loss

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Aggravates
diverticulitis

Pineapple

Strengthens bones

Relieves colds

Aids digestion

Dissolves warts

Blocks diarrhea

Prunes

Slows aging process

Prevents constipation

Boosts memory

Lowers cholesterol

Protects against heart disease

Rice

Protects your heart

Battles diabetes

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

Strawberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Boosts memory

Calms stress



Sweet Potatoes

Saves your eyesight

Lifts mood

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones



Tomatoes

Protects prostate

Combats cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart



Walnuts

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Boosts memory

Lifts mood

Protects against heart disease

Water

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Conquers kidney stones

Smoothes skin



Watermelon

Protects prostate

Promotes Weight loss

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Wheat Germ

Combats Colon Cancer

Prevents constipation

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Improves digestion

Wheat Bran

Combats Colon Cancer

Prevents constipation

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Improves digestion

Yogurt

Guards against ulcers

Strengthens bones

Lowers cholesterol

Supports immune systems

Aids digestion

 

Nov 22, 2006

Fw: The McConkie Story

THIS LOVELY STORY WAS FORWARDED FROM MY FRIEND Kay in Las Vegas. I have heard some of it before but I thought it nice to hear it from Sister McConkie. I just heard a talk this very morning given by Elder McConkie that sounded like it may have been that very talk. Now, I wish I had listened to it again. But I had to turn it off to do something. Love, Guelda

Sister McConkie's story:

"In Relief Society today our closing song was 'I Believe in Christ.’ Then, as we began our Fast and Testimony meeting, our opening song was 'I Believe in Christ.' This co-incidence made me think that perhaps it's time I share with you how we got this hymn.

"Some 15 years ago, my husband Bruce R McConkie was very ill. The doctor told us he had two months to live, at the most. However, Bruce felt he still had some things he wanted to do. The Brethren gave him a blessing and his family gathered to share their faith and prayers. He lived an additional fourteen months, although he was very ill much of that time. He never thought he wasn't going to get better. He told me time and time again that this was the Lord's test for him, and that he had enough faith in and of himself to be healed.

"Early in February, on an overcast day much like today, I decided to make a pie to cheer him up, as he loved pie. While I was doing this he lay on the floor in our bedroom, which he often did. He had a pencil and paper in hand and was writing. Then he came into the kitchen where I was working and said, 'Do you want to hear what I'm going to talk about in conference?'

"The pie was almost finished and I wanted to get it in the oven, but I soon realized that you don't make pies while he's talking like this. So I stopped and sat down to listen. He read to me his talk, and I said, 'It's the most beautiful thing you've ever written, but how will you ever do it?' He was so ill and so weak. 'I don't know,' he answered, 'but I will.'

"His doctor was so worried, 'You've got a dying man on your hands; you must not let him speak at conference. If he tries, he will collapse on nationwide television.' But I couldn't try to stop him. He was determined to do it and nothing could have stopped him. Our son said, 'I don't think there's anything Dad wanted to do more than preach that last sermon at conference.' So our children fasted together, asking that their father would have the physical and emotional strength to fulfill his wish.

"During the Saturday morning session of April 1985 General Conference, a thin Bruce R. McConkie took his place at the pulpit and despite his

weakened condition, he bore majestic testimony to the truths so integral to his life and mission. He testified, 'I am one of his witnesses, and in a coming day I shall feel the nail marks in his hands and in his feet and shall wet his feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better then than I know now that he is God's Almighty Son, that he is our Savior and Redeemer, and that salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way.' (Excerpted from his conference address).

"The following Sunday Elder Packer visited him at home and gave him a blessing in which he told Bruce he should 'quit resisting the will of the Lord.' We both knew that he meant. At the conclusion, with tears running down his face, Bruce looked at me as I stood at the foot of the bed, and said, 'Amelia, do you know what he just did?' "Yes,' I answered, 'he has sealed you unto death.'

"That was so hard on Bruce. He wanted so much to live. But as I showed Elder Packer out, Bruce got up, folded the bedspread as he always did at night, got ready for bed, and got under the covers. Always before he would insist that I make the bed and he would lay on top of it, fully dressed.

But this was his way of saying to the Lord, 'I am bowing to your will.' He passed away a short time later."

"What a great blessing to have the beautiful hymn, "I Believe in Christ", taken from his testimony.