FW: LDS specialty wards

This is funny, thought you might get a kick out of it.

Find your niche in specialty wards
Robert Kirby Tribune columnist - Salt Lake Tribune

Most Sunday mornings, you'll find me on a pew in the Rosecrest 1st Ward
chapel. It's where I'm supposed to go to church. Lucky for me, it's also
where I want to go. Technically, Mormons don't have a choice. For church,
we're bound by the geography of the ward boundary. We worship where we live.

The only time Mormons can switch wards without also contacting a Realtor is
when we attend specialty wards. For example, I went to a Spanish-speaking
ward in West Jordan for a while.

Specialty wards allow members with specific common needs to worship together
and support each other in their exclusive part of the Lord's vineyard. There
are (or have been) lots of LDS specialty wards, including singles wards,
college wards, deaf wards, ethnic wards and nudist wards.

OK, I made up that last one. There are even seasonal "snowbird wards" in
places where Mormon RV owners congregate.

I talked it over with my friend (despite a restraining order) Ken
Wallentine. We think the specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our
ever-changing and increasingly divided culture.

For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are
perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging
their herd in 15 minutes late. The only problem with a late ward would be
showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first
place. Eventually, you would end up with a ward that ran out of time before
it started.. "Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will
close now by singing hymn No. 145."

Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for
maternity wards. Except that we already have those. They're called married
student wards.

A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from "the bridge"
instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a "Klingon
Sunday."

Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else. Why
not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black
leather..

Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be
a lot more interesting if real personal risks were involved in disagreeing
with a lesson.

There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your
thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards.

At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.

Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's
going to sleep through, "HEY! I KNOW THE CHURCH IS TRUE, STUPID!"

A big hit would be the Multi Level Marketing ward, also known as a
"Gadianton robber ward." With all the financial scamming that goes on in
this culture, it would be nice to have them all in one place for a
three-hour block weekly.

I think a Democrat ward is a good idea, although in Utah the best we could
probably hope for is a Democrat branch.

FW: Daily Gems: Preparation for the Second Coming

> Daily Gems
> Preparation for the Second Coming
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> "Signs of the Second Coming are all around us and seem to be
> increasing in frequency and intensity. . . . While we are powerless to
> alter the fact of the Second Coming and unable to know its exact time, we
> can accelerate our own preparation and try to influence the preparation of
> those around us. We need to make both temporal and spiritual preparation
> for the events prophesied at the time of the Second
> Coming."
> Topics: Second Coming, preparation
>
> (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Preparation for the Second Coming," Ensign, May
> 2004, 7-9)
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> TO SUBSCRIBE TO ADDITIONAL LISTS, UNSUBSCRIBE, OR CHANGE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
> INFORMATION:
> Go to LDS E-mail Subscriptions at http://www.lds.org/listservices and
> select the
> appropriate subscription list. You can also learn more about each list on
> that page.
>
> If you do not have Internet access, send an e-mail to
> listserv@lists.lds.org
> with "subscribe lds-gems-daily" or "unsubscribe lds-gems-daily"
> (without quotation marks) in the message body.
>
> Copyright 2007 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Rights and Use Information:
> http://www.lds.org/rights
>
>
> --
> BEGIN-ANTISPAM-VOTING-LINKS
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Teach InfoWest Spam Trap if this mail (ID 125074210) is spam:
> Spam:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=125074210&m=65ef6664238a&c=s
> Not spam:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=125074210&m=65ef6664238a&c=n
> Forget vote:
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> ------------------------------------------------------
> END-ANTISPAM-VOTING-LINKS
>

------ End of Forwarded Message

FW: Daily Gems: Challenges of Mortality Come for All of Us

> Daily Gems
> Challenges of Mortality Come for All of Us
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> "When the challenges of mortality come, and they come for all of us,
> it may seem hard to have faith and hard to believe. At these times only
> faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement can bring us peace, hope,
> and understanding. Only faith that He suffered for our sakes will give us
> the strength to endure to the end. When we gain this faith, we experience
> a
> mighty change of heart, and like Enos, we become stronger and begin to
> feel
> a desire for the welfare of our brothers and sisters. We pray for them,
> that they too will be lifted and strengthened through faith on the
> Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ."
> Topics: challenges, faith,
> sharing
>
> (Elder Robert D. Hales, "Finding Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ," Ensign,
> November 2004, 73)
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> TO SUBSCRIBE TO ADDITIONAL LISTS, UNSUBSCRIBE, OR CHANGE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
> INFORMATION:
> Go to LDS E-mail Subscriptions at http://www.lds.org/listservices and
> select the
> appropriate subscription list. You can also learn more about each list on
> that page.
>
> If you do not have Internet access, send an e-mail to
> listserv@lists.lds.org
> with "subscribe lds-gems-daily" or "unsubscribe lds-gems-daily"
> (without quotation marks) in the message body.
>
> Copyright 2007 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Rights and Use Information:
> http://www.lds.org/rights
>
>
> --
> BEGIN-ANTISPAM-VOTING-LINKS
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Teach InfoWest Spam Trap if this mail (ID 123060979) is spam:
> Spam:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=123060979&m=2de5580a76fc&c=s
> Not spam:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=123060979&m=2de5580a76fc&c=n
> Forget vote:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=123060979&m=2de5580a76fc&c=f
> ------------------------------------------------------
> END-ANTISPAM-VOTING-LINKS
>

------ End of Forwarded Message

FW: Daily Gems: Teaching Children about Christ

>
> "Children are open to gospel truths more than at any other time, and
> protected childhood is literally a once-in-a-lifetime
> opportunity to teach and strengthen children to choose the
> right.
> "It's easy to know what to teach. The scriptures and our
> prophets are clear about what to teach our children. Nephi summarizes it
> in
> this verse, 'And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of
> Christ, we prophesy of Christ . . . that our children may know to what
> source they may look for a remission of their sins' (2 Nephi
> 25:26).
> "Knowing that we teach of Christ and His gospel, how do we
> do it? Begin by following the counsel of our prophets and making time in
> our homes for family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening.
> Have
> we heard that counsel so often that it seems too simple? Or are we so busy
> that adding one more thing feels too complex? I testify that even when our
> family worship seems less than effective, obedience alone invites the
> blessings of the Lord."
> Topics: children, teaching, prayer, family
> home evening, Jesus Christ, plan of salvation, revelation, answers to
> prayers
>
> (Margaret S. Lifferth, "Behold Your Little Ones," Ensign, Nov. 2006,
> 74-75)
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> TO SUBSCRIBE TO ADDITIONAL LISTS, UNSUBSCRIBE, OR CHANGE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
> INFORMATION:
> Go to LDS E-mail Subscriptions at http://www.lds.org/listservices and
> select the
> appropriate subscription list. You can also learn more about each list on
> that page.
>
> If you do not have Internet access, send an e-mail to
> listserv@lists.lds.org
> with "subscribe lds-gems-daily" or "unsubscribe lds-gems-daily"
> (without quotation marks) in the message body.
>
> Copyright 2007 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Rights and Use Information:
> http://www.lds.org/rights
>
>
> --
> BEGIN-ANTISPAM-VOTING-LINKS
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Teach InfoWest Spam Trap if this mail (ID 128008810) is spam:
> Spam:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=128008810&m=681a47db36ef&c=s
> Not spam:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=128008810&m=681a47db36ef&c=n
> Forget vote:
> https://spamtrap.infowest.com/canit/b.php?i=128008810&m=681a47db36ef&c=f
> ------------------------------------------------------
> END-ANTISPAM-VOTING-LINKS
>

------ End of Forwarded Message

FW: LDS specialty wards

Sent: Friday, May 29, 2009 3:23 PM
Subject: LDS specialty wards

This is funny, thought you might get a kick out of it.

Find your niche in specialty wards
Robert Kirby Tribune columnist - Salt Lake Tribune

Most Sunday mornings, you'll find me on a pew in the Rosecrest 1st Ward
chapel. It's where I'm supposed to go to church. Lucky for me, it's also
where I want to go. Technically, Mormons don't have a choice. For church,
we're bound by the geography of the ward boundary. We worship where we live.

The only time Mormons can switch wards without also contacting a Realtor is
when we attend specialty wards. For example, I went to a Spanish-speaking
ward in West Jordan for a while.

Specialty wards allow members with specific common needs to worship together
and support each other in their exclusive part of the Lord's vineyard There
are (or have been) lots of LDS specialty wards, including singles wards,
college wards, deaf wards, ethnic wards and nudist wards.

OK, I made up that last one. There are even seasonal "snowbird wards" in
places where Mormon RV owners congregate.

I talked it over with my friend (despite a restraining order) Ken
Wallentine. We think the specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our
ever-changing and increasingly divided culture.

For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are
perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging
their herd in 15 minutes late. The only problem with a late ward would be
showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first
place. Eventually, you would end up with a ward that ran out of time before
it started.. "Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will
close now by singing hymn No. 145."

Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for
maternity wards. Except that we already have those. They're called married
student wards.

A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from "the bridge"
instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a "Klingon
Sunday."

Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else Why
not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black
leather..

Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be
a lot more interesting if real personal risks were involved in disagreeing
with a lesson.

There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your
thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards.

At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.

Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's
going to sleep through, "HEY! I KNOW THE CHURCH IS TRUE, STUPID!"

A big hit would be the Multi Level Marketing ward, also known as a
"Gadianton robber ward." With all the financial scamming that goes on in
this culture, it would be nice to have them all in one place for a
three-hour block weekly.

I think a Democrat ward is a good idea, although in Utah the best we could
probably hope for is a Democrat branch.

--
Mark Schroeppel
Utah First Title Insurance Agency

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."





------ End of Forwarded Message

FW: Daily Gems: Qualifying to Have the Spirit of the Lord with Us

----- Original Message -----
From: "LDS-Gems" <ldsgems@ldschurch.org>
To: <LDS-GEMS-DAILY@LISTS.LDS.ORG>
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2007 8:14 AM
Subject: Daily Gems: Qualifying to Have the Spirit of the Lord with Us

> Daily Gems
> Qualifying to Have the Spirit of the Lord with Us
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> "The scriptures repeatedly teach that the Spirit of the Lord will not
> dwell in an unclean tabernacle. When we worthily partake of the sacrament,
> we are promised that we will 'always have his Spirit to be with
> [us].' To qualify for that promise we covenant that we will
> 'always remember him' (D&C 20:77). Those who seek out and use
> pornography for sexual stimulation obviously violate that covenant. They
> also violate a sacred covenant to refrain from unholy and impure
> practices.
> They cannot have the Spirit of the Lord to be with them."
> Topics:
> worthiness, pornography, spirituality
>
> (Dallin H. Oaks, "Pornography," Ensign, May 2005, 88)
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> TO SUBSCRIBE TO ADDITIONAL LISTS, UNSUBSCRIBE, OR CHANGE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
> INFORMATION:
> Go to LDS E-mail Subscriptions at http://www.lds.org/listservices and
> select the
> appropriate subscription list. You can also learn more about each list on
> that page.
>
> If you do not have Internet access, send an e-mail to
> listserv@lists.lds.org
> with "subscribe lds-gems-daily" or "unsubscribe lds-gems-daily"
> (without quotation marks) in the message body.
>
> Copyright 2007 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Rights and Use Information:
> http://www.lds.org/rights